so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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