You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
