I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
