is your mom at the bar?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
