He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
