I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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