i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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