Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
