sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
