Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
