Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
