i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
