We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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