well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
