So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
