i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
