How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
