He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
