you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
