Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
