i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
