First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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