you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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