didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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