do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
