Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
