I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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