Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
