Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
