i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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