I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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