he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
