omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
