get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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