"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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