yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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