Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
