She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
