I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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