atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
