i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
