I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
