what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
