i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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