I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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