No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
