I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
