Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
