Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
