he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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