Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Randomize
