So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What a dumb baby whore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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