I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
