I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
