why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
